Home > General rants > 7 Places They Should Ban Morons!

7 Places They Should Ban Morons!

The age old question of smokers rights has been going on since before I was even born. While researching a subject for something completely unrelated to the subject of smokers rights at all, I came across this little gem.


Reading this article felt something like this:

I remember when I was a child my parents smoked in my house, A LOT! One day, whilst walking into the living room to enjoy an episode of Thunder Cats, I remember very politely asking my father if he could cut out the smoke so I could enjoy my show without his smoke upsetting my then delicate, nasal sensitivity. His reaction was something like this:

This exchange taught me something very valuable. Since my father owned the property I was living in he set the rules. If I didn’t like it, I could get the fuck out of the living room! Sensible man logic at it’s best.

For all of the sensible man logic, there  is always a stupid woman who wants to ram her inconsequential opinion in there. Of course, it is always based on feelings rather than actual logical breakdown. This is exactly the kind of article Brett Blumenthal wrote in her smoking hit piece above. Do you think she uses the name Brett so men will take her more seriously, or were parents just dicks?

I decided I would go through Brett’s list of places she thinks people shouldn’t be able to smoke in and show her that her logic does not do her sex (of overly emotional, non-critical-thinking imbeciles) any credit.

1.The Beach:
Perceived Experience: You will get a healthy dose of the smell of salty, sea air as the warm breeze relaxes you and your toes play in the sand.
Reality: When people smoke at the beach, the beautiful ocean breeze wafts smoke instead.  Further, many people (not all people, but many) discard their cigarette butts in the sand, creating a landfill of cigarette carcasses.

Good job, Brett! You managed somehow to find the smallest public beach on the planet where you can’t walk away from somebody who is smoking and not breathe the smoke. You should certainly be credited with such an awesome discovery. Below is a rendition of what the beach Brett goes to might look like:

Of course this is the type of beach most of us are used to.

Do you think she even tried to think it through?

2.Parks/Nature Preserves:
Perceived Experience: You leave the city to get away from the smog and pollution.  You look forward to the beautiful fresh, clean air of the mountains and running streams.
Reality: Your hike through the wilderness is taken over by smoke instead of the smell of pine trees.   Not only do you need more oxygen because of your hike and altitude, but now you need oxygen because of the smoke.

Are the parks you are going through on fire? That is the only way I can possibly envision you having to deal with cigarette smoke in a nature reserve, which is a place where people actually get LOST for days at time because many are so big. I am sure though, Brett, that you are the exception, and some how always manage to find the one smoker [that doesn’t exist] who chains smokes as he runs through the same hills, valleys, and mountains you are visiting. I know I always open my lungs up for a hike with a camel!

3.Outdoor Cafes:
Perceived Experience: It is a beautiful day and instead of eating all cooped up inside, you dine al fresco, hoping to enjoy the warmth of the sun and a light, natural, non-air conditioned breeze.
Reality: Many restaurants don’t let people smoke inside, but yet, they haven’t extended that law to their outside facilities.  As a result, you end up preoccupied with the quality of your air than the quality of your food.

“Hey go outside if you are going to smoke asshole! Unless we decide we want to eat out there, then you can go….well I don’t really know, but somewhere you don’t stink up our air! We know we have the option to go to the thousands of non smoking outdoor patio restaurants but we really like the Felafel here!”

4.Marathons / Triathlons / Ironmans / Bike Races:
Perceived Experience: World class athletes are pushing themselves to the max.  Oxygen is their life and their fuel.
Reality: While at the Boston Marathon, I was blown away by the number of people who were smoking at the finish line.  The poor athletes just had completed a 26 mile course, only to be greeted by clouds of smoke.  So much for a cool down with quality oxygen intake.

So maybe you want to rephrase and say that at the finish line of such races people shouldn’t smoke, as athletes may not appreciate it. Or are you really saying we should enforce no smoking along the entire 26 mile course? I am sure police and security would think that was a very fine use of their budget to protect a nameless athlete from the possibility of catching a whiff of cigarette  smoke that will obviously shut down his well trained and finely honed lungs. Maybe that was how Lance Armstrong got cancer after all.

Perceived Experience: Much like the ‘Parks/Nature Preserves’, you escape to the mountains for some one-on-one with nature, snow and skiing.  You look forward to the majestic views of the slopes from your favorite chair lift.
Reality: The people in front of you on the chair lift are taking their 10 minute smoke break.  You feel like you are in a tobacco plant as the breeze gently carries the smoke down the mountain back at you.

First I would like to applaud you for bringing this one up Brett! I certainly know that the most dangerous thing to worry about while sitting on a chair lift 40 feet off the ground suspended by nothing but a vertical, mechanized cable is the possibility the guy in front of you will be a smoker, and that maybe you will breathe in this insensitive asshole’s smoke the whole way up the slope! Doesn’t he understand that you have a right to clean air? The right to look at mountains without being molested by this jerk’s acrid smoke blaring into your face? The right to go down a hill filled with with obstacles at 20 to 40mph with two sticks on your feet? Doesn’t he know that his cigarette  smoke can shorten your life?

6.Zoos/Amusement Parks:
Perceived Experience: You look forward to seeing your children’s faces light up while watching the lions, tigers and bears. Oh, my!
Reality: You and your children feel like you are soon to be on the endangered species list as you vie for a smokeless viewing point

Couldn’t agree with you more Brett! Whenever I pay money to go watch animals- who are taken out of their natural habitat, stripped from their parents and own kind, and placed in small cage for my viewing pleasure- the first thing that comes to my mind is “Geez, this asshole smoking next to me sure is insensitive”!

7.At Entrances of Bars and Public Buildings:
Perceived Experience: Yes, you found a popular bar to go to for your Friday night outing.  That is okay, though, you’ll be on line with your friends.
Reality: Since your local city doesn’t allow smoking inside the bar, all of the smokers crowd outside of the front door to inhale their favorite ciggy.  The wait with your friends isn’t so pleasant after all.

Those dirty bastards! I go to bars all the time and I find that the smell of alcohol makes me sick. Every time I mention it though, the bartender always looks at me and says “Why are you at a bar then, man?” I guess they seem to think that if such an activity happens at those establishments, you have the RIGHT to not go. Instead, you can go to one of the above said THOUSANDS of establishments that are non-smoking both inside and outside, or did somebody force you to stand in a line full of smokers when nobody was looking?

In closing let me say this: Brett is a socialist. She has to be. Like the rest of the anti-smoking movement, she doesn’t believe in property rights at all and allowing the business owner to make the decision of whether or not they will allow smoking inside of their establishments. Instead, opting that because the business owner serves the public, that the public has no choice in whether they go into the establishment or not. It is a total logical absurdity, and she is a moron!

 Licking my balls

Perceived experience:   Your tongue gracefully touches upon Unrighteousufry’s balls, unicorns and elves cheer into the sunlight at the vision they are seeing and the majestic union before them.

Reality: Your head is forced down rather abruptly, and you come up choking and spitting out pubes!

  1. Anonymous
    December 3, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    Your such an asshole, I love it. This chick sucks and should stay in her house forever. Obviously she wishes to ban smoking from the entire earth. MORON indeed. How about smokers rights. Oh I forgot they don’t have any because liberal douche bags like this broad have taken them all away.

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