Gay Marriage and Fucking Pigs, I Don’t Give a Shit Either Way

March 22, 2012 4 comments

Well the gay marriage thing is back with a vengeance. Republican contenders for president are raging about keeping marriage pure to keep their base of conservative pretenders in line. The whole thing makes me want to drink ipecac and vomit spasmodically after eating chilly cheese dogs all over Santorum and Romney’s face!

Don’t get me wrong, I am no huge fan of the gay community and their stupid parades that shut down traffic so we can all watch nipple-pierced, balding, ass fuckers in tight leather carry boom boxes 80’s style on their shoulders with shitty club music playing. Or we are treated to lesbians who put a lie to every thing I learned watching pornos as a kid. Lesbians are supposed to be fucking hot blond bitches with big boobs  that seductively invite the pizza guy to be the baloney in the sandwich they are all about to make.  Instead we are treated to to women that make us think “I don’t think a fifth of Jack would keep ol’ winky awake trying to fuck her, she looks like a god damn out of shape marine.”

All of that aside though….who gives a fuck if faggots get married? Just look at the stupid arguments for wanting to ban gay marriage.

We need to keep marriage pure.

This is an especially stupid argument. I don’t want to even begin to try to describe the things I do with my future wife in the bedroom, but I can guarantee you that making a vow to God on an alter doesn’t make them pure.

God doesn’t like gays.  So what? He doesn’t like you in all probability either. In fact, his master plan is to allow a demon from hell to take over the earth and butcher the group of people that worship him so he can send his son in to save them all. I mean, really think about that. If a firefighter set fire to a house so he could then go in to rescue the people in it, he would be thrown in prison for the rest of life. Then, the same people who claim to be Christians would say, “Give that fucker the death penalty.”

I don’t want my kids exposed to gay couples making out and holding hands in the street. So fucking what, you glistening ebony tool! I don’t want my kids to have to see fat straight people walking in the street stuffing their mouth full of food  in the sweltering summer heat. Unfortunately, they have a fundamental right to be disgusting fucks and so do queers. Tell your kids to stop being pussies, their life is gonna be full of way worse shit then two members of the same sex making out on the street!

Finally my favorite argument of all,

If you legalize gay marriage, thus changing the definition of marriage, what is stopping somebody from marrying a pig, or a goat? 

Nothing. Nothing at all. Who gives a shit about that either? Oh, whats that? You want to try to make some moral argument that marrying and fucking a pig is wrong and disgusting? That is because you are stupid! I have personally shot in the face and gutted pretty much every kind of animal that exists and I can personally tell you that all of them would much rather be raped by Bubba in a wedding dress then to have their balls cut off in a slaughter house with no sedative. They would probably prefer it to being hung upside down while still alive and having their throat cuts in front of their families too, all so that the meat can get to you and your family, and your kid can bitch that he doesn’t want to eat your freshly made awesome pork chop so you throw the fucking shit away anyhow.  Go fuck a horse, a cow, a sheep, a goddamn gopher. I don’t care. Put little dresses on them and get married to them. Fuck animals! Silly bastards are only useful to me for eating and shooting anyway.

I don’t ever want to hear from anybody ever again that people who commit bestiality should go to jail, while these same people consume assassinated animal flesh like it is going out of style.  Fucking hypocrites.

Eat your meat, fuck your meat, fuck a dude, I don’t give a shit what you assholes do. You all make me physically ill.

Childrens Books I Am Working On

I am so sick and tired of the garbage that passes for children’s books these days. You know what I am talking about- bullshit books like “How Howie the Hog Got Over His Bad Mood.” Fuck you and your mood, Howie the Hog. You can eat my ass! When a little kid is in a bad mood every parent on the planet knows the appropriate response!

Works like a charm every time.

I decided that I am going to write my own book series about a kid named “Ass Kicker Jack.” Ass Kicker Jack has ass kicking parents that don’t turn poor Jack into a 21st century girly boy that crosses his legs in skinny jeans. No fucking way! Jack’s parents teach ol’ Jack how to not take shit from the establishment, and to handle his problems like a real man, not a little whiny bitch!

Book 1: “Ass Kicker Jack and the Bully.”

Jack doesn’t reason with bullies. Jack doesn’t tell his teachers about bullies. Jack doesn’t get a machine gun from his house and shoot up a school because he was bullied. Here is what Jack does to bullies:

This is how Jack handles bullies.

There needs to be more books about how to really handle the bully thing. I remember being bullied one day and telling my Dad, “Dad this mean kid at the bus stop keeps hitting me.” My Dad’s response was- “Well kick his fucking ass between his shoulders.” Yup, my Dad was cool.

Book 2: “Ass Kicker Jack Fucks His Teacher, and Doesn’t Tell Anybody.”

I get especially upset when I see stories of some 15 or 16 year old kid turning in their teacher after they have sex with them. These kids should be punched in the face. They aren’t traumatized! They don’t go home after getting a BJ from Mrs. Smith and cry into their pillow. Yet these poor women have to go to actual prison and face real rape, and real pain.

Well, Jack sees it the same way I do. He may bang the crap out of his hot ass 35 year old teacher, but he ain’t tellin’ nobody! He will show your little mistake how they can be a real man and not destroy some poor bimbo’s life for giving him the one thing that will actually let him focus on his math problems for at least fifteen minutes.

Book 3: “Ass Kicker Jack Gets an F and Deals With It”.

Jack got an F because he is an idiot.

See that? When you are a dumbass, you get F’s. All kinds of parents out there think their kids are too smart to get F’s, so it must be the teacher’s fault. Well Jack has news for you- one in two kids is a complete babbling moron who deserves the F. Seriously, if you can’t get through the material they teach at the grade school or even high school level and get an F, you probably deserve it.

In this book you can see the exciting adventure of Jack as he gets a big, fat, red, capital F on his paper and then goes home and owns up to it. Jack doesn’t blame his teachers, or his peers, or his hormones- only himself. Read all about his father’s epic “I am disappointed in you Jack, are you some kind of moron?” speech, while he tears poor Jack’s hide with a tongue lashing that almost leaves marks.

Book 4: “Ass Kicker Jack Beats the Crap Out of the Goth Kids.”

Jack says "No Columbine at my school, asshole!"

Read the compelling story of Jack at his most intolerant. Jack doesn’t understand kids that cut themselves, worship Satin, wear makeup, yet can’t hold their liquor. These qualities make Jack and his tight click of jock winners mad for reasons they have trouble articulating.

Jack and his friends will explore in this book the many ways these kids should be horribly beaten, trash canned, and generally slapped around. I know it may make some out there feel better to know that Jack ends up a gas station attendant while the goth kid goes on to write a computer program that makes him millions, but that isn’t what happens. The goth kid lands a job at hot topic where soon after he is committed for attempted suicide, even though he cut his wrists the wrong way on purpose as a “cry for help.” Jack, on the other hand, leads his football team to victory during the big game, and gets a sports contract. 20 years later he is still on Wheaties boxes and made a successful bid for Congress.

All books will be available for $100 us for hardcover [After all, I can charge what I want. Jack’s exploits are worth it.]  I guarantee after a few readings your son will know how to walk around not being a total pussy, and will burn all of his “Gregory the Gay Goat” books immediately.

Unrighteousfuries ultimate 2012 survival guide.

February 13, 2012 Leave a comment

Well, the end of the world is coming [again]. This time it’s on December 21st, 2012 and everybody wants to know….whats gonna happen? While I don’t know for sure what will happen (I suspect NOTHING will) just in case some serious planetary annihilation type of shit does go down though, people are going to want to know “What the hell am I supposed to do?” I wrote down some universal guidelines for surviving an apocalypse.

Rule number 1.

Go to the XXX shop in your neighborhood and get yourself some skintight gimp leather.

While I don’t know exactly why, post-apocalyptic survivors never seem to be decked out in military style camouflage, wearing useful Kevlar armor. Instead, they opt for  skintight leather, ass-less chaps, and boots I wouldn’t want to hike very far in.

Why worry about useful things like travel backpacks, carrying medicine, camping gear,  lighters, rope, etc. No way, my friends. All you need for sure is an overly large leather holster attached to your leg, capable of holding a sawed off double barrel shotgun. The important lesson here is don’t think to hard about silly things like gear. Looking as cool as possible in the afternoon sun while walking solo down a desolate highway is far more important.

Rule number 2.

Killing is now ok.

Have an evil ex that you always wanted to waste? An annoying neighbor who blasted his music too loud one day? Just want to kill somebody to see how it feels? Now is your big chance. The law may not be on your side, but hey! Good thing there is no more law. If apocalyptic movies have taught us anything it’s that trying to be moral in a crisis is stupid.

Load up them guns and start thinning out the herd. Hell you are probably sparing them from a horrible end due to a rock slide, or some such nonsense anyway.

Or you can be the token psycho, who lost your family when the horrible apocalypse came, now taking out your anger and aggression on the rest of the world by putting your foot on some poor guy’s throat, and pumping a few 45s into his skull! For full effect make sure members of their family’s are watching. Throwing in a little rape might not hurt your image either.

Rule number 3.

Now is a good time to learn how to eat people.

Why carry around some stupid survival guide on how to catch small game, and which bugs are good to eat, when you have the ultimate food source right in front of you?

Not sure how good a human will taste? Neither am I. I am sure, though, they probably taste better than bugs and grass.

These are desperate times! How can you possibly be held responsible for eating a few people?  Your job is to keep the human race going, and a post apocalyptic world is perfect to test out survival of the fittest. If they are weaker than you, dumber than you, or you just happen to get the drop on them, you better start learning how to gut a human out like a fucking dear.

Rule number 4.

Join a gang.

Trust me- you don’t want to be the guy in the peaceful village. You want to be the guy that cruises in on one of the few post apocalyptic Harleys still in existence, swinging a large chain, terrorizing the innocent, and stealing the women. Don’t be the pussy left crying after their family is ravaged by an evil gang. Be the evil gang doing the ravaging!

You might be wondering what kind of disasters you may have to face in 2012. Let me tell you some of the most popular theories and why I don’t give a shit about any of them.

        Wormwood!

This biblically spoken about meteor is supposed to smash into the surface of the earth wiping out 2/3 of life instantly, and blocking out the sun for an indefinite period of time.

Reason I don’t care: If this meteor actually existed and crashed into the earth, I have a 2 in 3 chance of being killed instantly. If I am “lucky enough” not to die instantly, I face slow starvation and vitamin deficiency leading to death from lack of sunlight.There is also the very real possibility of zombies [not sure how, but it makes sense to me]. The real question you should be asking yourself isn’t “How could I be lucky enough to have survived that?” but “Why wasn’t I lucky enough to die when it hit”?

Super Volcano!

The problem with these is they are actually real. We have no defense against them, and we are actually overdue for one of them to blow the fuck up!

Reason I don’t care: One of these things is supposedly what wiped out the dinosaurs. I have seen Jurassic park, and if this thing could take out dinosaurs, humans have no chance.  Do yourself a favor if one of these erupts, grab some beer, a lawn chair, and hope the magma explosion kills your ass before the smoke inhalation does.

There are many more theories, but these two have the best chance of actually happening. Hopefully after reading my guide and the universal rules you will be better prepared for the horrors that lay outside of your survival bunker.

Let me close by telling you the reason you shouldn’t care about 2012 either,

Why the fuck would you trust anything somebody said that looked like this?

It is fucking baffling to me that people take what a bunch of shirtless, bone pierced, human-sacrificing Indians said seriously! What the fuck is wrong with people? If you saw savages that looked like this on a street corner preaching about the end of the world you would call the police.

“OOOOOO the Mayan calendar ends in 2012 blah blah blah…” the calendar on my fridge has been hanging there since 2010 and it ended too. If I started preaching that my calender ending meant the end of the world, would you only take me seriously if I ate a human heart, and stuck a monkey femur through my nose, while dancing shirtless to a sun god?

It’s nice they mastered  math, science, and pyramid building, yet somehow couldn’t bring their weapons technology out of the “I smack you with a stick” era. They might still be alive if they did, and probably should have prophesied that inventing the sword before the pyramid might be a good idea.

What the fuck happened to our cartoons?

January 26, 2012 2 comments

When I was growing up cartoons kicked ass! Violence, terrorism, superpowers, thwarting evil, these were just some of the kick ass things that used to be in the awesome cartoons I grew up with.

Now, sadly I see the shit my kids watch and want to puke. Not only are the old cartoons coming back in shitty remakes, but now villains have back stories and heroes try to psycho-analyze them.

Cartoon villains don’t need elaborate FUCKING BACK-STORIES! They have one job and one job only- that is to set up elaborate, easily escapable traps , while revealing their plot to a hero, as they are intermittently laughing hysterically.

Take a look at this:

I am Lion-o leader of the Thundercats.

That’s right the Thundercats,  these human-feline things would roll around Thundara and kick the holy shit out of a dude named Mumm-ra! Sure the animation was choppy and the lip syncing wasn’t perfect, but when Lion-o called out to the Thundercats with the Sword of Omens, followed by a made up on the spot theme song that stated emphatically that Thundercats were on the loose, something was gonna get fucked up.

What’s unbelievable is that they remade this amazingly shitty cartoon, with something even shittier:

Meet the new Lion-o, leader of the thunderfags.

That’s right, A brand new Lion-O to bring the Thundercats into the 21st century. New Lion-O comes with a punk rock hair-do, gnarly sideburns, and an emo attitude that is sure to get your already pot smoking kids to cut themselves as a form of expression in no time.

New Thundercats is less about the Mumm-ra ass-whipping, and more about poor gay Lion-O up there who recently lost his old man [who was  bigoted against the lizard people who are just misunderstood] and his self discovery on his journey to do stuff.

Along the way he is constantly making crappy decisions which are backed up by a jealous brother, and some broad with a nice rack! Way to go Emo-lion-O, I will be sure to have my kids watch all of your bad decision making episodes!

This is isn’t the first time something as cheesily awesome as Thundercats got fucked up! They replaced Voltron with Power Rangers, which is such an abortion it needs it’s own page.

Lets look at some cartoons we all knew were stupid when they were on but watched anyways because we didn’t have cable, and I will show what kind of remakes we should have.

1.

This show sucked so bad when I was a kid I remember turning it to the OJ Simpson trial to avoid watching it.

Lets replace it with,

Evil demon, Satin worshiping Smurfs. Who sold their souls to the devil for the power to kill Gargamel!

2.

Dashing and daring, courageous and caring. We all remember these drunks who sprinkled crack into their beer and bounced around like a tweaker in a padded cell.

Lets replace it with,

"Stand in a circle and stare at a dead body, bears" This would be just as entertaining as the original, maybe even more so, since there would actually be a plot I could follow.

Stop taking the good cartoons and fucking them up. Take the shitty ones nobody cares about. That said, I will leave you with the finest 80’s cartoon intro of all time.

When your horse can turn into a man with hooves, bust out a laser gun and shoot somebody, you have my vote for awesome cartoon!

Questions I Have For Gay Men

January 17, 2012 2 comments

The gay agenda is very strange to me. For some reason, gays and lesbians feel the strong need to prove to everybody that there is scientific data proving that their gayness is genetic instead of a choice.

I would buy that [I mean who would want to go through life as a queer by choice?] except that I notice scientists never ask the right questions. They busy themselves with trying to find “Gay Genes” or “Homosexuality in nature” instead of asking questions every straight man would love to ask a gay man, but has been too cowed by political correctness to do so.

Luckily, I don’t give a damn what gays think about what I say, so I will ask those questions for the rest of you gutless fucks!

We all constantly hear that gay men are born that way. Ok. I will assume that they aren’t lying and were indeed born that way. So then maybe they can answer these simple questions.

1. What’s with the fucking lisp?

I don’t understand this at all. What does being attracted to other men have to do with lisping? If you fall under the “I am a woman trapped in a man’s body” category, ok, fair enough. I have dated well over 30 women. I was raised in a house full of women, I talk to women all the time. They don’t fucking lisp! In fact the only woman I ever knew who lisped had a speech problem. Since it would be a logical abortion to believe that almost every gay man on the planet has a speech impediment, this leads me to believe that what is really going on is this:

The lisp is there just in case we aren't wearing these shirts. So that you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that we do indeed dig the penis.

2. Why the fuck do gay men cross their legs when they sit?

This is another one of those things I just can’t seem to wrap my mind around. I understand the point of course. A woman crosses her legs when she sits, and since you are a woman trapped in man’s body, you do too. Ok, fair enough. The logical stupidity of this should be obvious to all, though. A woman crosses her legs to hide her vagina when she wears dresses and skirts. Gay men cross their legs while wearing skinny jeans and crush their own balls for no reason. Does being a woman trapped in a man’s body somehow require you to sit in the most uncomfortable position for a man that is humanly possible? Just in case you were wondering what I thought the real agenda of this is, I will tell you.

In case the lisp didn't let you know beyond a shadow of a doubt I am gay. This will.

3. What’s with the soft voice?

So again, I get it. Women have soft voices, so you want to make your voice soft. The problem I have is that women don’t pretend they have soft voices, they just do. How does pretending to have a soft voice make you more feminine? This makes no sense at all.  Also if you are a gay man who is in to feminine men, why not just go get a woman? These questions baffle me.

4. We just want to be ourselves, we were born this way!

Ok, as shown in the above examples how are you being yourself? It seems like what you are doing is adapting traits that other people have so that everybody you meet in life will know beyond all doubt that you are gay. What is the point of shoving your gayness down everybody’s throat? [yes that pun was intended] Is it really advancing your agenda, or just making straight men that wouldn’t normally give a shit that you pound pud at home think that you are a bunch of silly, conformist, fuckheads that we don’t want to be around?!

5. Whats with the pink?

So whenever I see the gay banner there is a rainbow on it. A rainbow is every color, so why did you settle on pink? I would normally think you wear it to look more girly, but most women I know hate the fucking color pink. So once again I must assume,

Just in case the lisp, and the crossed legs, didn't let you know...I am indeed gay!

In closing let me say this:

I don’t give a fuck if you are gay. Who you fuck is your business and none of mine. If a gay man came to my house for a bbq I would be fine with it. Unless he shows up in a pink shirt, asks for his cheeseburger by calling it a “chisbergur,” and then sits cross legged to eat it. If that happens you get punched. Them are the rules. You know what? you would deserve it too!

Categories: General rants Tags: , ,

Twilight is Fucking Gay!

January 11, 2012 4 comments

I have some serious questions about this “Twilight” thing. Who gave this bitch Stephanie whatever-the-fuck-her-name-is the right to change vampire lore  [which is awesome and didn’t need help] into these little emo faggots? The only thing these guys terrorize is Hot Topic, and skinny jean retailers across the country! She didn’t just fuck with vampires, she fucked with werewolves too! What the hell is wrong with this bitch?

1. How come vampires no longer melt in the sunlight? Now they…

Sparkle!

Why? What the fuck is the point of this? Is that supposed to be fairy dust or something? [that is the only explanation I have for it] Does sprinkling this vampire fairy dust on people also make them into gay vampires? How come when they go in the sunlight they don’t just become rainbow striped? Do women really like this shit? No wonder you couldn’t vote!

2. According to twilight lore this asshole above is over a hundred years old! What the fuck could he possibly have in common with a 17 year old girl? He is either the dullest motherfucker on earth, or a PEDOPHILE! Probably both.

I mean, really? This guy was born in 1901 in Chicago! The guy grew up in gangster society! He would probably be racist as fuck, and sexist as hell. The first time this Bella broad said “No Edward, I want to see this movie,” His born in 1901 ass would backhand her across the mouth and say something like “NA! SEEEE! We’re gonna watch what I want to watch, SEEE! No more lip outta you or ol’ knuckles here willl smack ya again, SEEEEE!”

To make matters worse, this Stephanie broad went and made werewolves- who are also cool as hell [mainly because that’s the one role Jack Nicholson played that Heath Ledger never would have been able to] into gay Indian trailer trash that have never heard of the word shirt!

Ya a pack of reservation Indians..notice anything missing?

If you said a bartender, you are right! In realty these “Werewolves” would be too busy spending their government checks at the local bar, getting shit faced drunk, and beating their women to ever have a war with vampires! Either that, or they would be too busy sitting in their condos counting their money they made off of their casino to even worry about it! These don’t really look like the “Casino owning type” of Indian though wouldn’t you agree?

The other big problem here is that these “Werewolves” don’t even turn into werewolves. They turn into giant wolves. What the fuck? It is probably the most unoriginal thing I have ever heard of in my life! This is what a werewolf looks like!

Go Go Gadget Scary!

Not this pile of shit!

Run away vampires, or else!

I think they needed to have four legs so they could run to the bar faster! Or maybe to run from the cops quicker? You decide.

Another interesting plot point to these go-in-a-christmas-stocking puppy “werewolves” is the fact that they all have different colored fur….yet they all have the same human hair. You know the kind of hair I mean, the mix between Mexican grease ball, Italian, and wifebeater-wearer. Just look at the picture.

Of course I know where this broad who wrote these books got the idea. I have seen it before. Somebody who was an actual writer made these creatures up long ago in an actual epic called “The Lord of the Rings.”

They are called Wargs! Hell of a lot scarier than twilight "Werewolves" too, aren't they?

Typical women, ripping off a man’s brilliant idea and then repackaging it as dog shit that smells nice to other women!

Then we have the main character, who is obviously a fucking idiot.

I'm so confused.

This chick has serious problems. On the one hand she can’t seem to decide if she is into bestiality, and red rockets! Or, if she wants to screw a dude who’s dick feels like it was soaked in ice cubes……the choices the choices?

She is a pathological liar. She lies to her father and mother about everything, lies to one of the monsters she is in “love” with about the other, and she cheats on them with each other!

She has no reasoning skills at all! She has trouble deciding if she wants to spend the rest of her life as an undead, blood-sucking parasite living with other parasites who murder people and eat them as a rule; or she can do the dirty with a giant dog, and live the rest of her life on an Indian reservation with a bunch of shirtless thugs! Of course she could just be with a normal human being….I guess in today’s world though, women need more than that!

They need to fuck giant dogs, and suck corpse cock to get a thrill, I guess.

To all teenage women that like this shit…THIS IS WHY NOBODY LIKES YOU! The only thing worse than a teenage girl who likes Twilight is SATAN! That is a scientific fact.

So the rules have changed, people. We can now take Lore everybody has known their whole lives and change it to whatever the fuck we want! I for one think we should make a Leprechaun-Unicorn hybrid, and call it a UNICHAUN! It can run around spear horning people at the end of the fucking rainbow who come after it’s gold! If you are lucky enough to catch a Unichaun, instead of a pot of gold you will get a steaming pile of Unichaun shit! Don’t worry, it will smell nice so you can sell it to hapless, female, teenage idiots and make money. A Unichaun’s only weakness is a straight man, who thinks that vampires that sparkle are gay!

If somebody can send me a decent drawing of a Unichaun I would love to post it up here. Who knows maybe you can take the idea and sell it. Obviously these people will buy anything.

!

Being fat is to acceptable!

December 7, 2011 17 comments

I read an article a couple of days ago http://beastmodaldomains.com/2011/11/09/fat-acceptance-is-unacceptable/ that left me with a serious bone to pick with the author.

The first thing I want is an apology. [and yes I am willing to kick his ass to get one because I am by far the toughest son of a bitch that has ever lived] This asshole made me laugh so fucking hard I woke my daughter up. Suffice to say she was rather upset with me. After putting her back to sleep by grabbing her shoulders and using shaking, jerking, motions, I realized something important: There are fat people who truly are exceptions to the rule. They are absolutely acceptable, and should be tolerated.

What about this guy!

HO HO HO MOTHERFUCKER!

If you are at all like me, gleefully waiting by the chimney every year with a [Mossberg 500] 12 gauge and a smile, hoping that you can dash the hopes and dreams of children everywhere by being the guy that killed Santa, the last thing you want is this fat fuck losing weight and getting away! I want him to get stuck in the chimney so I can insult him a bit first. I would also like to tell him that the only people I know of that entice children with toys while wearing overcoats usually show up on sex offender websites. Not to mention I am not too keen on the whole elven slavery thing. What an asshole!

And what about this dude!

ROB RIENER SAYS SMOKING IS BAD!

If he lost weight how could I call him a hypocrite? I need to call people hypocrites at least 10 to 12 times a week. Rob is my fall back on guy. When I just can’t think of a hypocrite off the top of my head, he is the name I use. Please, I implore you don’t encourage this guy to lose weight. [Also I kind of want him to die soon]

Also how could you forget about these dudes!

The hobbitses stole the sandwitch from us!

That’s right sports fans! These fat little fuckers crossed middle earth on foot taking out Goblins, Orcs, Uruks, a witch king, and single handedly took out Sauron! Without their fat asses, middle earth would have fallen into what Gandalf called the “Age of Shadow.” Isn’t that right Gandalf?

"Well maybe, but what about all of the skinny elves and humans that helped out"?

Shut the fuck up Gandalf! Mr. “I know everything about everything”.  Always have to try to one up somebody to make yourself look wise, don’t you asshole? Just smoke your wizard dope and try to pretend the whole middle earth thing didn’t all just happen in your head.

And last but not least how bout these guys?

Oompa Doompa Loompa dee dee, How come hot women never look at me?

Because you are fat little midget fucks that’s why! Still acceptable though.

So there you have it. I demand an apology as I decided last night I would suddenly turn sensitive about this topic that I don’t really give a shit about.

If you can go ahead and email that to unrighteousfuryhasballsbiggerthanthedeathstar@hotmail.com I would appreciate it!

I want a discounted shirt for the inconvenience to asshole!

Categories: General rants