Posts Tagged ‘cannons’

Guns are freaking awesome! Stop being a pussy!

I am so tired of hearing all of these pussies whining about guns.  Guns kill people blah blah blah.  So fucking what?! You silly pansy. I swear if I hear one more network talking head [who usually look like ugly lesbians….wait let me correct that- who are ugly lesbians] I will have to gas an entire shoe box full of yipping kittens.  Why would I do that, you ask? What did the kitten ever do to me? NOTHING! Men don’t need a reason to kill random shit for our own amusement.  Once again it looks like it falls to Unrighteousfury in all of his breath taking man beauty to set you dumb shits straight on this topic by using infallible logic.

Lets take a look at what pussies [oh I’m sorry, I meant society tweaking intellectuals] have to say on the subject, and then I will of course show you the many reasons their arguments resemble donkey abortions.

1. Our founders used muskets, they never could have envisioned that we would have things like AK47’s and AR15’s

You are so right dumbass! They also probably couldn’t have envisioned telephones, the internet, or movies! All of which are protected by the first amendment. I guess if it is speech it should be protected, but if it is guns NOOO! They should be regulated, and there should be background checks.  Know what the founders did have access to? Gunpowder, heavy mortars, cannons, and grenades. Let’s look at the second amendment again, shall we? 

 A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed

Do you see anything that says “Shall not be infringed unless it is a cannon, mortar, or grenade”? Oh you don’t? Well then shut the fuck up girly man! The founders obviously wanted us to have serious firepower so we could blow the shit out of anything that looked at us cross eyed. Does that mean that I think you should go hunting with a cannon that shoots bowling balls in order to take out Bambi by a stream? Obsofuckinglutely! If you can get it out there, take the shot, and kill the fuzzy bastard then more power to you!

Bambi Slayer 2.0

2. We need background checks because we don’t want dangerous people to get guns. 

Dangerous people have access to all of the other rights don’t they? Did Hitler use a gun to take over the government in his country? NO! He used fucking words! I say words are far more dangerous yet have far less regulation. Why? Because people are pussies that’s why! Dirty bearded slits, a bunch of vertical monkey mouths! Dangerous people already have tons of access to guns! Or do you think an 18 year old fresh out of high school who is taught to say “Yes sir!” to every order, and is trained to a physical peak is somebody “Safe?” If you do, then you are most likely a moron and should be bludgeoned nearly to death and left atop an ant hill with heavily sugared syrup poured on your head. 

Yes! Let’s trust 18 year old boys with fleets of these.

But keep your eyes on this guy…he might be a dangerous anti government extremist.










3.What about the children?

I have no idea where this stupid idea that children’s lives are more important than adult lives came from but it is just fucking silly. The very same people that want to regulate guns are all for women assassinating their child in their womb, but if the child gets shot outside the whom well…..that’s just wrong!

Wrong way to do it.

Right way to do it.

Learn the difference assholes. There is a certain way children must be assassinated! 










4. The Europeans can’t have guns or heavily regulate them and there is way less crime.

All that this means is that Europeans are morons! I bet the Jews getting gassed in the camps wished they had guns, or the millions in Soviet Gulags. Hey you know what though? Fuck it! There’s less gun crime right?

Gun control does work! There was zero crime in our camp.

Moving on, let’s talk about the coolness factor of guns. It is a well proven fact that attractive women are far more likely to have lots of sex with men who are heavily armed. Men who smoke and also have guns double in coolness.  While men who drink, smoke, and shoot guns triple in coolness. 

I see you are skeptical, well just take a look for yourself. 

Holding gun.

Not holding gun.

 Now honestly ladies which one do you want to bone more?











As you can clearly see, holding a gun makes you instantly more boneable. So look guys, don’t listen to the 1% of women you are trying to impress by being anti-gun. Make a stand now! Tell them you want to shoot into the sky while they are pleasing you. Trust me no chick wants a pussy….unless they are already fucked up!

Lets look at some practical and scientific data explaining  the awesomeness of guns. Below you will find a simple math equation anybody can follow.



 On the other hand,
























Any questions?

Look, if you are some kind of anti-gun pussy that’s fine. I don’t give a shit! When the zombie apocalypse comes you will cover my get away because I will Shane-shoot you in the fucking leg while I make good my escape. On the other hand, if you are tired of never getting laid, looking like a dork, and sick of having to suppress your man urge to waste cuddly critters, you should leave the pussy side of the force immediately.