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Satanic, Gay, Neo Nazi’s. Nope, you can’t make this shit up.

April 20, 2012 43 comments

Satanists are a very amusing breed of people. We all knew one or two of them in high school. You know the kids I am talking about- the unattractive, loser dumbass that dressed all in black and wore a pentagram necklace in a vain attempt to creep you out.

You know, these guys.

We are here to scare you ooooooo

The first thing that should be understood about the premise of satanism is that it is very, very,very, stupid. Why in the hell would you want to worship the losing team? Satan isn’t even all that powerful an angel to tell the truth. He is of the cherubim choir of angel. Don’t know what that is? Let me show you how artists usually draw cherub angels so you understand what these clowns worship.

Yes! Look at how mean and vile the choir of the cherubim look. This is the god a satanist worships that I am supposed to be afraid of?

Now if it were me, and I was trying to find a dark lord to worship I don’t think cupid up there would make the cut. No, I need my dark lords to be a little more… evil, and a whole shit ton less gay!

Which brings to me to my new favorite group, the GBLT Thule Society.  You can find them here  http://gblt.webs.com/index.htm

Who are the GBLT Thule Society, you ask? Well, they are a group of gay, satanic, neo- nazis that believe Hitler thought queers were awesome and had them over for late night picnics where they would drink wine and blow each other.

How scary and evil are the GBLT Thule Society? Lets take a look at their forum rules for a frightening look at this absolutely terrifying group.

1. We know Satan and his Demons are real beings. If you are LaVeyan, or feel otherwise, do not push your beliefs here.

So unlike Lavey- a well known and very bald satanist who didn’t believe Satan was real, these guys want to let you know HE IS! If you aren’t satanic enough to understand that Satan is real and has a very real army of bow-wielding cupids, then don’t push your shit on their forum. Understand, asshole?

2. People who sympathise with and/or support the enemies of Satan- Jews, Christians and Muslims WILL BE BANNED!

That’s right boys and girls. If you are an enemy of the GBLTTS’s evil dark lord they won’t curse you, hex you, or kill you. They will, however, make sure that your opinion is blocked from their dark domain FOREVER MUHAHAHAHA!

 3. Blasphemy against Satan and/or his Demons will not be tolerated!

YES! I am sure now. It’s all so clear. Satan, the ruler of hell who started a rebellion in heaven against God and is surrounded by powerful demons needs a butt-pounding white supremacist to be offended on his behalf. How do you not tolerate a person who says something like…well, like this:

“Satan is a dumb shit, who got his gay cherub ass beat by a straight testosterone-filled angel named Michael who is a seraphim, not a pussy cherub like Satan.”

Are you going to ban me from your forum? Please don’t. The gay, nazi, satanic agenda is very important to me.

4. If you believe Satan and his Demons are evil, this is not the group for you, find another.

That’s right! Don’t you people understand that Satan has been the proven force of good in the world for the last seven thousand years? All these little cherubic bastards want to do is fill you full of love arrows! Especially if you are a gay neo-nazi- HAHAHA! I never get tired of saying that…gay neo-nazi. You might as well just call yourselves gay oxymorons.

5. Do not try to push Wiccan or other non-Satanic creeds here.

Yeah, assholes! This is for hard core Homosexual-neonazi-Satanists ONLY! We don’t believe in that stupid Wiccan religion, what a bunch of nonsense that is.

 6. Do not try to promote individuals, groups or organizations who bash the Joy of Satan. Your posts will be deleted and you will be banned.

That would be me I guess. Interesting that it happens so much these guys made a rule for it.

7. Anyone who posts advocating anything illegal will be banned.

That’s right! The GBLTTS’s group of evil-worshiping satanists follow the law! They don’t do illegal shit or advocate any illegal activities at all. That is not how their dark lord rolls! He is all about truth, justice, and the American way. They use their dark powers and their forces of evil to rescue small drowning children, and to make sure old ladies can cross the street. Last year they raised $10,000 through their league of shadows fund to help bring awareness to animal cruelty everywhere!

This next rule is my favorite

8. Please be polite- flaming will not be tolerated.

I could literally write 8 blogs worth of material on just this one line, but for now we will just leave it with the obvious question.. What the fuck do poo pushing satanists do except flame?

I know this group of evil doers is scary and they obviously have a well thought out plan to lead their dark forces into the light and consume the world of goodness.

I won’t allow that to happen. Right here, right now I am challenging High Priest Jake Carlson and High Priest Mageson of the GBLTTS to a UFC cage fight. Both of you against one of me. Finally, the age old question shall be answered. Can a video game nerd [that would be me] take on not just one, but two gay-neo-nazi-Satanists? Men have been pondering that question since the dawn of time, and now is our chance to find out.

The world is waiting for your answer. Now stop cutting yourself and take the challenge.