Posts Tagged ‘John McClain’

Round 2: If Rape Isn’t Funny, Why Do Women Make it a Joke?

Did anybody ever see Die Hard 3? Basically, in the movie, an evil European terrorist is mad at good ol’ “kill everything that looks at him cross eyed John McClain” for throwing his goofy talking brother off the top of a really tall building. So he makes McClain do humiliating shit for his own personal amusement.  In one scene, he makes Mclain to go into Harlem with a very interesting sign.

Not a good idea in Harlem

Not a good idea in Harlem

While it’s true that Mclain may be good with a gun, I find that his offensive sign was less than ideal craftsmanship. He could have put some thought in it you know? Maybe a nice Klan hat with a little rope hanging off the end of it.

Anyway, after hanging out in Harlem for a couple of minutes, a racist with a heart of gold [Samuel L Jackson] sees the sign and decides he will warn our hero that wearing a sign that says “I hate niggers” in Harlem is probably a bad idea….A really bad idea.

You dumb mutha about to die!

You dumb mutha fucka…you about to die!

Well, the next thing you know our hero and our racist are approached by a group of these dudes.

Obviously the locals didn't care for the sign. Some people have no sense of humor.

Obviously the locals didn’t care for the sign. Some people have no sense of humor.

After a few minutes of threats and a broken beer bottle over the head, our favorite cop McClain is saved by  the racist and goes on to spend another hour and twenty minutes killing Europeans instead of the black people who threatened him with knives. [Doesn’t sound like a real life cop to me- letting black people who threatened him live but hey, it’s a movie]

Was McClain doing anything wrong? Well no. Not really. Anything illegal? Certainly not! Was he doing anything he deserved to die over? No fucking way! Yet, here some people were about to kill him for wearing a sign in Harlem that said “I hate niggers,” even though he wasn’t actually doing anything wrong or illegal, just because they thought they could and that they were justified. Fancy that.

So what’s the moral of the story?

Don’t wear a sign in Harlem that says “I hate niggers” and chances are you won’t die.

Now let me introduce you to Lindsey.

I don't actually know if her name is Linzey she is just some really hot chick in a slutty dress I pulled off the internet.

I don’t actually know if her name is Lindsey, she is just some really hot chick in a slutty dress I pulled off the internet.

Lindsey up there thought it would be a good idea to go out to a nightclub without any money while wearing a slutty dress. While there, she let a bunch of Mexicans in cowboy hats and cheap suits with hundred dollar bills buy her drinks all night, while flirting with them and cock teasing them. Lindsey knows she is hot, and also knows that all of the Mexicans buying her drinks aren’t guys she is going to bring home to Mom and Dad. Yet, our friend Lindsey up there still flirts and dances and rubs all over them, and degrades herself,  and acts like a total fucking slut just to get some free drinks.

Now let me introduce you to Paco. Do you like what you see Paco?

Si Si Paco likes what he sees very much.

Si Si Paco likes what he sees very much.

Paco, who is a member of MS-13 and an illegal immigrant, decides to ask Lindsey if she wants a ride home. Lindsey says “UHHH, Nooo! Gross!”

This pisses Paco off. He then slips a nice drug into Lindsey’s drink. Lindsey wakes up in a bath full of ice with one kidney missing. She also has vomit down her slutty dress, a broken arm, two black eyes, two missing teeth, and the taste of dirty Mexican penis in her mouth.

That’s right…Lindsey spent the night getting beaten and gang raped by Mexican hooligans who, just to add insult to injury, also took one of her kidneys. Fucking Mexicans!

So what the fuck is my point here?

Well, Lindsey wasn’t doing anything wrong. She didn’t “ask for it” in other words. She wasn’t doing anything illegal, or harmful, or even evil. Yet, much like Mclain, she was targeted anyway. You see, Lindsey wasn’t just the victim of gang rape. Lindsey was also the victim of something called D.S.S., or Dumb Slut Syndrome. When Lindsey decided it was a good idea to go into a place where her judgment would be impaired while wearing  almost nothing in a group of strange men she does not know who are only there to fuck women, she was actually set upon by her severe D.S.S. and had no choice.

D.S.S. is no laughing matter. Men make fun of women who are raped because of this disorder all the time and it’s cruel. Sure, it’s true that the logical man brain has extreme trouble finding sympathy in their hearts for sufferers of D.S.S., yet it is a scientifically proven disease that affects millions of women in all age brackets across the United States. Let me try to break this down for men so they have a better understanding of the disease.

D.S.S. is a condition that affects the cerebral cortex of the brain. The cerebral cortex is the part of the brain that controls attention, perceptual awareness, thought, language, and consciousness. Though the disease is usually native to women, it can also be found in extremely gay men and is usually passed along from one D.S.S. sufferer to a woman with the genetic disposition to  accept and carry the disease. Sufferers of D.S.S. seem to find their symptoms get more severe if they consume alcohol even in small amounts, or any sort of narcotic, or stimulant.

Women who want to know if they might suffer from D.S.S. can check for diagnostic symptoms below.

Symptoms include:

  • Lack of knowledge about anything other than daytime TV shows
  • Never saying anything about another person that isn’t negative
  • Acute loss of reasoning skills
  • Extreme bouts of confusion while driving
  • Thinking that other people should care about your about friend Stacy’s dog
  • An overwhelming need to see Europe because European men are “sophisticated”
  • Carrying a 500 dollar handbag with no job
  • Sudden loss of ability to censor what you say
  • Saying a man is “lucky” that you gave him the time of day
  • Sudden sense of entitlement and a feeling that the people around are “totally stupid” for not giving you things you did not earn.

Tell your doctor immediately if you feel you might be suffering from D.S.S. or you know somebody else who might be. Stop the spread of this contagious disease now. We know these women aren’t “asking” to be raped or abused, they are simply suffering from a sadly un-treatable disease.

So take a lesson from McClain- don’t go into Harlem with sign that says “I hate niggers.” Also, don’t go into a nightclub in a slutty dress filled with Mexicans who are trying to fuck you if you don’t want to get raped.