Posts Tagged ‘lean forward’

MSNBC is a Boner Killer.

April 4, 2012 1 comment

Why the crap does MSNBC feel the need to have nothing but ugly, whiny, shit head commentators on their networks? How in the world anything with a pair of testicles can watch this shit without going to the kitchen, grabbing out a knife, and cutting out their own still beating heart is beyond me.

Don’t get me wrong, the news on MSNBC is great. I just don’t know why they can’t hire commentators that don’t make me physically ill on sight. Let me try to explain this formula to MSNBC so that they can make the necessary changes and maybe even get some men to watch their network again.

When Megyn gives her opinion on Fox News, the blood flow in my penis rapidly increases and it becomes erect.

When Rachel gives her opinion on MSNBC I find that the blood flow to my penis greatly decreases, and I feel the need to burn out my retinas with a hot curling iron.

Note: I tried to save your eyes from this horror by making the picture of Maddow as small as I could.








I don’t know how MSNBC missed the memo that men are much more willing to listen to what you have to say if you are hot. While Megyn is obviously up to par, Maddow up there looks like the one woman in the club that even the creepy, gross, Mexican dude in the corner with the molester half mustache can’t bring himself- drunk as he is- to say anything to.

You could try to make the argument, I guess, that they are trying to appeal to females but that is just a shitty business model. Come on! How many women do you know that actually follow the news? Two..maybe three? Men watch the news, and they don’t want to see dikes with wide brimmed glasses giving their opinions on womens reproductive health like she knows what the fuck she is talking about! When you play rug doctor with your crevice-cleaning girlfriend like she does, I don’t think you need to worry too much about getting pregnant.

Is it really any wonder that nobody wants to watch your pussy programing MSNBC? Or that your ratings are dropping faster than a prom dress?

Look at these fucking hosts. They look like the perfect line up of assholes you probably beat the crap out of and made fun of in high school while they pined after your hot cheerleader girlfriend. Well I guess they really showed their bullies, didn’t they? After spending tens of thousands of dollars on Ivy League educations they can now disgust their bullies to death by showing up on their TV screens night after night bitching about how evil their SUV is. Take that! You jock asshole with the hot girlfriend!

Here is another of my favorites,

Look at Java the Ed up there. He literally looks like a nutsack!

Yup, when men get home from a hard day at work the thing they want the most is to watch a fat, irate fuck bitch about inequality. Ed is like the fat missing link. He is the Darwinian proof that the right wing has needed all of these years to prove without a doubt that evolution is a failed theory because Ed even exists. This guy claims he had a revelation to become a liberal while eating a bologna sandwich. The sandwich part I can understand, if you watch this turd on a high def tv, you can actually see the sweat gathering under his jowls. When big, fat, rich, white men start talking about equality I can’t help but laugh. Call me crazy.

Then finally we have this turd.

This is my intimidation look!

Asshole Lawrence up there [HAH his name is Lawrence what a tool] has a show on MSNBC called “Last Word with Lawrence O’ Fuck Face.” He should have, ¬†of course, immediately changed the name to “Can’t Get a Word In with Lawrence O’ Fuck Face,” but I guess that wouldn’t be good marketing [something MSNBC obviously doesn’t know how to do, hence my soft penis while watching their programming.] Lawrence up there is a self described socialist who stands in the mirror every day trying to master his scary face in case he manages to book an evil, rich, white guy who owns a gun on his show. Then he sternly attempts to talk down to them via monitor because he is to chicken shit to tell them to their faces how he really feels. What a pussy!

MSNBC has had some sort of strange marketing campaign going on called “leaning forward” where they let these walking scrotums tell you all about how you need to lean forward while the government no lube fucks you in the ass! Below I have created a video for your watching amusement on my youtube page explaining this campaign in all of it’s glory.