Round 2: If Rape Isn’t Funny, Why Do Women Make it a Joke?

Did anybody ever see Die Hard 3? Basically, in the movie, an evil European terrorist is mad at good ol’ “kill everything that looks at him cross eyed John McClain” for throwing his goofy talking brother off the top of a really tall building. So he makes McClain do humiliating shit for his own personal amusement.  In one scene, he makes Mclain to go into Harlem with a very interesting sign.

Not a good idea in Harlem

While it’s true that Mclain may be good with a gun, I find that his offensive sign was less than ideal craftsmanship. He could have put some thought in it you know? Maybe a nice Klan hat with a little rope hanging off the end of it.

Anyway, after hanging out in Harlem for a couple of minutes, a racist with a heart of gold [Samuel L Jackson] sees the sign and decides he will warn our hero that wearing a sign that says “I hate niggers” in Harlem is probably a bad idea….A really bad idea.

You dumb mutha fucka…you about to die!

Well, the next thing you know our hero and our racist are approached by a group of these dudes.

Obviously the locals didn’t care for the sign. Some people have no sense of humor.

After a few minutes of threats and a broken beer bottle over the head, our favorite cop McClain is saved by  the racist and goes on to spend another hour and twenty minutes killing Europeans instead of the black people who threatened him with knives. [Doesn’t sound like a real life cop to me- letting black people who threatened him live but hey, it’s a movie]

Was McClain doing anything wrong? Well no. Not really. Anything illegal? Certainly not! Was he doing anything he deserved to die over? No fucking way! Yet, here some people were about to kill him for wearing a sign in Harlem that said “I hate niggers,” even though he wasn’t actually doing anything wrong or illegal, just because they thought they could and that they were justified. Fancy that.

So what’s the moral of the story?

Don’t wear a sign in Harlem that says “I hate niggers” and chances are you won’t die.

Now let me introduce you to Lindsey.

I don’t actually know if her name is Lindsey, she is just some really hot chick in a slutty dress I pulled off the internet.

Lindsey up there thought it would be a good idea to go out to a nightclub without any money while wearing a slutty dress. While there, she let a bunch of Mexicans in cowboy hats and cheap suits with hundred dollar bills buy her drinks all night, while flirting with them and cock teasing them. Lindsey knows she is hot, and also knows that all of the Mexicans buying her drinks aren’t guys she is going to bring home to Mom and Dad. Yet, our friend Lindsey up there still flirts and dances and rubs all over them, and degrades herself,  and acts like a total fucking slut just to get some free drinks.

Now let me introduce you to Paco. Do you like what you see Paco?

Si Si Paco likes what he sees very much.

Paco, who is a member of MS-13 and an illegal immigrant, decides to ask Lindsey if she wants a ride home. Lindsey says “UHHH, Nooo! Gross!”

This pisses Paco off. He then slips a nice drug into Lindsey’s drink. Lindsey wakes up in a bath full of ice with one kidney missing. She also has vomit down her slutty dress, a broken arm, two black eyes, two missing teeth, and the taste of dirty Mexican penis in her mouth.

That’s right…Lindsey spent the night getting beaten and gang raped by Mexican hooligans who, just to add insult to injury, also took one of her kidneys. Fucking Mexicans!

So what the fuck is my point here?

Well, Lindsey wasn’t doing anything wrong. She didn’t “ask for it” in other words. She wasn’t doing anything illegal, or harmful, or even evil. Yet, much like Mclain, she was targeted anyway. You see, Lindsey wasn’t just the victim of gang rape. Lindsey was also the victim of something called D.S.S., or Dumb Slut Syndrome. When Lindsey decided it was a good idea to go into a place where her judgment would be impaired while wearing  almost nothing in a group of strange men she does not know who are only there to fuck women, she was actually set upon by her severe D.S.S. and had no choice.

D.S.S. is no laughing matter. Men make fun of women who are raped because of this disorder all the time and it’s cruel. Sure, it’s true that the logical man brain has extreme trouble finding sympathy in their hearts for sufferers of D.S.S., yet it is a scientifically proven disease that affects millions of women in all age brackets across the United States. Let me try to break this down for men so they have a better understanding of the disease.

D.S.S. is a condition that affects the cerebral cortex of the brain. The cerebral cortex is the part of the brain that controls attention, perceptual awareness, thought, language, and consciousness. Though the disease is usually native to women, it can also be found in extremely gay men and is usually passed along from one D.S.S. sufferer to a woman with the genetic disposition to  accept and carry the disease. Sufferers of D.S.S. seem to find their symptoms get more severe if they consume alcohol even in small amounts, or any sort of narcotic, or stimulant.

Women who want to know if they might suffer from D.S.S. can check for diagnostic symptoms below.

Symptoms include:

• Lack of knowledge about anything other than daytime TV shows
• Never saying anything about another person that isn’t negative
• Acute loss of reasoning skills
• Extreme bouts of confusion while driving
• Thinking that other people should care about your about friend Stacy’s dog
• An overwhelming need to see Europe because European men are “sophisticated”
• Carrying a 500 dollar handbag with no job
• Sudden loss of ability to censor what you say
• Saying a man is “lucky” that you gave him the time of day
• Sudden sense of entitlement and a feeling that the people around are “totally stupid” for not giving you things you did not earn.

Tell your doctor immediately if you feel you might be suffering from D.S.S. or you know somebody else who might be. Stop the spread of this contagious disease now. We know these women aren’t “asking” to be raped or abused, they are simply suffering from a sadly un-treatable disease.

So take a lesson from McClain- don’t go into Harlem with sign that says “I hate niggers.” Also, don’t go into a nightclub in a slutty dress filled with Mexicans who are trying to fuck you if you don’t want to get raped.

If rape isn’t funny-then why do women keep making it a joke?

I recently had a chance to play catch up with a female friend I hadn’t seen in years. During the course of our conversation I brought up a mutual acquaintance of ours who is a man.

After a short pause she said “I don’t want to talk about him.” When I asked her why she said “Because things happened I don’t want to talk about with him, that’s why.”

I knew immediately where this was going, and so do 90% of men who are reading this…A rape story

Anyway, long story short, she launched into a detailed account of how he had forced himself on her three years ago at a party..blah blah blah. I realized while she was recalling her elaborate tale of being victimized by this boorish brute, that I had heard a story eerily similar to the one she told not very long ago by another good friend of mine who is a woman.

That got my gears spinning, and I realized something important. Every woman I have ever met and spent any real time with seems to have a rape story. I immediately called every female friend I could think of and sure enough, my suspicions were confirmed.

All of them had either been raped, molested, or in some way sexually attacked in their life. I called a few of my male friends and asked them to do the same with their female friends, as it turns out again the results were astounding.

Every one of them had a rape story.

I pulled up some statistics on rape in the United States and found out there are roughly 216,000 rapes in this country a year.

The population of the United States is about 300 million, 51% of which are women.  This mean the population of women in the U.S is roughly 153,000,000 so the percentage of women actually raped in this country statistically is less than 1%

This was interesting to me since every women has apparently been raped. I will break it down for you in this graph below.

Why would a woman lie about being raped? The answer to me was plain as day!

Look, to all you dumb women out there: We know that rape is a terrible thing and a tragedy. By lying about it over and over again, people literally lose interest in it even being a big deal.

If literally every woman a man runs into has a story about being raped, molested, sexually attacked, etc., men quickly lose interest in the fact that women get raped at all. When it does actually happen and some sick bastard rapes a woman, men don’t know if they should even believe her!

Here are some tell tale signs a woman is full of shit about being raped. By following these simple rules you can call her out on her bullshit!

1. If a woman brings up being raped without being asked, tell her to name the attacker. Statistics say 2/3 are friends or family. So if she says she doesn’t know this should raise a flag that she might be full of shit.

2. Ask her if she reported the rape. If she didn’t [and it seems they never do] tell her you will be willing to go with her while she does. Offer to get her help if she needs it, since it was such a traumatic event. If she continually refuses, she might be full of shit!

3. If you are suspicious she might be full of shit, ask around and see how many men she has accused of raping her. If it is more than one…..she might be full of shit.

I know there will be women who read this that think I might be an insensitive prick. Think about it though, ladies. Don’t you all have a friend or two that cry rape that you are just a little bit suspicious of being full of shit?

Is it really any wonder that men have become immune to rape? It is almost like it is no big deal to us anymore. “Gee, honey, whats on the news tonight?”

“Aw same old shit- some chick got raped.”

In closing let me say this:

Police your own, ladies- or sooner or later men just will stop caring at all.