Satanic, Gay, Neo Nazi’s. Nope, you can’t make this shit up.

Satanists are a very amusing breed of people. We all knew one or two of them in high school. You know the kids I am talking about- the unattractive, loser dumbass that dressed all in black and wore a pentagram necklace in a vain attempt to creep you out.

You know, these guys.

We are here to scare you ooooooo

The first thing that should be understood about the premise of satanism is that it is very, very,very, stupid. Why in the hell would you want to worship the losing team? Satan isn’t even all that powerful an angel to tell the truth. He is of the cherubim choir of angel. Don’t know what that is? Let me show you how artists usually draw cherub angels so you understand what these clowns worship.

Yes! Look at how mean and vile the choir of the cherubim look. This is the god a satanist worships that I am supposed to be afraid of?

Now if it were me, and I was trying to find a dark lord to worship I don’t think cupid up there would make the cut. No, I need my dark lords to be a little more… evil, and a whole shit ton less gay!

Which brings to me to my new favorite group, the GBLT Thule Society.  You can find them here  http://gblt.webs.com/index.htm

Who are the GBLT Thule Society, you ask? Well, they are a group of gay, satanic, neo- nazis that believe Hitler thought queers were awesome and had them over for late night picnics where they would drink wine and blow each other.

How scary and evil are the GBLT Thule Society? Lets take a look at their forum rules for a frightening look at this absolutely terrifying group.

1. We know Satan and his Demons are real beings. If you are LaVeyan, or feel otherwise, do not push your beliefs here.

So unlike Lavey- a well known and very bald satanist who didn’t believe Satan was real, these guys want to let you know HE IS! If you aren’t satanic enough to understand that Satan is real and has a very real army of bow-wielding cupids, then don’t push your shit on their forum. Understand, asshole?

2. People who sympathise with and/or support the enemies of Satan- Jews, Christians and Muslims WILL BE BANNED!

That’s right boys and girls. If you are an enemy of the GBLTTS’s evil dark lord they won’t curse you, hex you, or kill you. They will, however, make sure that your opinion is blocked from their dark domain FOREVER MUHAHAHAHA!

 3. Blasphemy against Satan and/or his Demons will not be tolerated!

YES! I am sure now. It’s all so clear. Satan, the ruler of hell who started a rebellion in heaven against God and is surrounded by powerful demons needs a butt-pounding white supremacist to be offended on his behalf. How do you not tolerate a person who says something like…well, like this:

“Satan is a dumb shit, who got his gay cherub ass beat by a straight testosterone-filled angel named Michael who is a seraphim, not a pussy cherub like Satan.”

Are you going to ban me from your forum? Please don’t. The gay, nazi, satanic agenda is very important to me.

4. If you believe Satan and his Demons are evil, this is not the group for you, find another.

That’s right! Don’t you people understand that Satan has been the proven force of good in the world for the last seven thousand years? All these little cherubic bastards want to do is fill you full of love arrows! Especially if you are a gay neo-nazi- HAHAHA! I never get tired of saying that…gay neo-nazi. You might as well just call yourselves gay oxymorons.

5. Do not try to push Wiccan or other non-Satanic creeds here.

Yeah, assholes! This is for hard core Homosexual-neonazi-Satanists ONLY! We don’t believe in that stupid Wiccan religion, what a bunch of nonsense that is.

 6. Do not try to promote individuals, groups or organizations who bash the Joy of Satan. Your posts will be deleted and you will be banned.

That would be me I guess. Interesting that it happens so much these guys made a rule for it.

7. Anyone who posts advocating anything illegal will be banned.

That’s right! The GBLTTS’s group of evil-worshiping satanists follow the law! They don’t do illegal shit or advocate any illegal activities at all. That is not how their dark lord rolls! He is all about truth, justice, and the American way. They use their dark powers and their forces of evil to rescue small drowning children, and to make sure old ladies can cross the street. Last year they raised $10,000 through their league of shadows fund to help bring awareness to animal cruelty everywhere!

This next rule is my favorite

8. Please be polite- flaming will not be tolerated.

I could literally write 8 blogs worth of material on just this one line, but for now we will just leave it with the obvious question.. What the fuck do poo pushing satanists do except flame?

I know this group of evil doers is scary and they obviously have a well thought out plan to lead their dark forces into the light and consume the world of goodness.

I won’t allow that to happen. Right here, right now I am challenging High Priest Jake Carlson and High Priest Mageson of the GBLTTS to a UFC cage fight. Both of you against one of me. Finally, the age old question shall be answered. Can a video game nerd [that would be me] take on not just one, but two gay-neo-nazi-Satanists? Men have been pondering that question since the dawn of time, and now is our chance to find out.

The world is waiting for your answer. Now stop cutting yourself and take the challenge.

Gay Marriage and Fucking Pigs, I Don’t Give a Shit Either Way

Well the gay marriage thing is back with a vengeance. Republican contenders for president are raging about keeping marriage pure to keep their base of conservative pretenders in line. The whole thing makes me want to drink ipecac and vomit spasmodically after eating chilly cheese dogs all over Santorum and Romney’s face!

Don’t get me wrong, I am no huge fan of the gay community and their stupid parades that shut down traffic so we can all watch nipple-pierced, balding, ass fuckers in tight leather carry boom boxes 80’s style on their shoulders with shitty club music playing. Or we are treated to lesbians who put a lie to every thing I learned watching pornos as a kid. Lesbians are supposed to be fucking hot blond bitches with big boobs  that seductively invite the pizza guy to be the baloney in the sandwich they are all about to make.  Instead we are treated to to women that make us think “I don’t think a fifth of Jack would keep ol’ winky awake trying to fuck her, she looks like a god damn out of shape marine.”

All of that aside though….who gives a fuck if faggots get married? Just look at the stupid arguments for wanting to ban gay marriage.

We need to keep marriage pure.

This is an especially stupid argument. I don’t want to even begin to try to describe the things I do with my future wife in the bedroom, but I can guarantee you that making a vow to God on an alter doesn’t make them pure.

God doesn’t like gays.  So what? He doesn’t like you in all probability either. In fact, his master plan is to allow a demon from hell to take over the earth and butcher the group of people that worship him so he can send his son in to save them all. I mean, really think about that. If a firefighter set fire to a house so he could then go in to rescue the people in it, he would be thrown in prison for the rest of life. Then, the same people who claim to be Christians would say, “Give that fucker the death penalty.”

I don’t want my kids exposed to gay couples making out and holding hands in the street. So fucking what, you glistening ebony tool! I don’t want my kids to have to see fat straight people walking in the street stuffing their mouth full of food  in the sweltering summer heat. Unfortunately, they have a fundamental right to be disgusting fucks and so do queers. Tell your kids to stop being pussies, their life is gonna be full of way worse shit then two members of the same sex making out on the street!

Finally my favorite argument of all,

If you legalize gay marriage, thus changing the definition of marriage, what is stopping somebody from marrying a pig, or a goat? 

Nothing. Nothing at all. Who gives a shit about that either? Oh, whats that? You want to try to make some moral argument that marrying and fucking a pig is wrong and disgusting? That is because you are stupid! I have personally shot in the face and gutted pretty much every kind of animal that exists and I can personally tell you that all of them would much rather be raped by Bubba in a wedding dress then to have their balls cut off in a slaughter house with no sedative. They would probably prefer it to being hung upside down while still alive and having their throat cuts in front of their families too, all so that the meat can get to you and your family, and your kid can bitch that he doesn’t want to eat your freshly made awesome pork chop so you throw the fucking shit away anyhow.  Go fuck a horse, a cow, a sheep, a goddamn gopher. I don’t care. Put little dresses on them and get married to them. Fuck animals! Silly bastards are only useful to me for eating and shooting anyway.

I don’t ever want to hear from anybody ever again that people who commit bestiality should go to jail, while these same people consume assassinated animal flesh like it is going out of style.  Fucking hypocrites.

Eat your meat, fuck your meat, fuck a dude, I don’t give a shit what you assholes do. You all make me physically ill.

Questions I Have For Gay Men

The gay agenda is very strange to me. For some reason, gays and lesbians feel the strong need to prove to everybody that there is scientific data proving that their gayness is genetic instead of a choice.

I would buy that [I mean who would want to go through life as a queer by choice?] except that I notice scientists never ask the right questions. They busy themselves with trying to find “Gay Genes” or “Homosexuality in nature” instead of asking questions every straight man would love to ask a gay man, but has been too cowed by political correctness to do so.

Luckily, I don’t give a damn what gays think about what I say, so I will ask those questions for the rest of you gutless fucks!

We all constantly hear that gay men are born that way. Ok. I will assume that they aren’t lying and were indeed born that way. So then maybe they can answer these simple questions.

1. What’s with the fucking lisp?

I don’t understand this at all. What does being attracted to other men have to do with lisping? If you fall under the “I am a woman trapped in a man’s body” category, ok, fair enough. I have dated well over 30 women. I was raised in a house full of women, I talk to women all the time. They don’t fucking lisp! In fact the only woman I ever knew who lisped had a speech problem. Since it would be a logical abortion to believe that almost every gay man on the planet has a speech impediment, this leads me to believe that what is really going on is this:

The lisp is there just in case we aren't wearing these shirts. So that you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that we do indeed dig the penis.

2. Why the fuck do gay men cross their legs when they sit?

This is another one of those things I just can’t seem to wrap my mind around. I understand the point of course. A woman crosses her legs when she sits, and since you are a woman trapped in man’s body, you do too. Ok, fair enough. The logical stupidity of this should be obvious to all, though. A woman crosses her legs to hide her vagina when she wears dresses and skirts. Gay men cross their legs while wearing skinny jeans and crush their own balls for no reason. Does being a woman trapped in a man’s body somehow require you to sit in the most uncomfortable position for a man that is humanly possible? Just in case you were wondering what I thought the real agenda of this is, I will tell you.

In case the lisp didn't let you know beyond a shadow of a doubt I am gay. This will.

3. What’s with the soft voice?

So again, I get it. Women have soft voices, so you want to make your voice soft. The problem I have is that women don’t pretend they have soft voices, they just do. How does pretending to have a soft voice make you more feminine? This makes no sense at all.  Also if you are a gay man who is in to feminine men, why not just go get a woman? These questions baffle me.

4. We just want to be ourselves, we were born this way!

Ok, as shown in the above examples how are you being yourself? It seems like what you are doing is adapting traits that other people have so that everybody you meet in life will know beyond all doubt that you are gay. What is the point of shoving your gayness down everybody’s throat? [yes that pun was intended] Is it really advancing your agenda, or just making straight men that wouldn’t normally give a shit that you pound pud at home think that you are a bunch of silly, conformist, fuckheads that we don’t want to be around?!

5. Whats with the pink?

So whenever I see the gay banner there is a rainbow on it. A rainbow is every color, so why did you settle on pink? I would normally think you wear it to look more girly, but most women I know hate the fucking color pink. So once again I must assume,

Just in case the lisp, and the crossed legs, didn't let you know...I am indeed gay!

In closing let me say this:

I don’t give a fuck if you are gay. Who you fuck is your business and none of mine. If a gay man came to my house for a bbq I would be fine with it. Unless he shows up in a pink shirt, asks for his cheeseburger by calling it a “chisbergur,” and then sits cross legged to eat it. If that happens you get punched. Them are the rules. You know what? you would deserve it too!

Twilight is Fucking Gay!

I have some serious questions about this “Twilight” thing. Who gave this bitch Stephanie whatever-the-fuck-her-name-is the right to change vampire lore  [which is awesome and didn’t need help] into these little emo faggots? The only thing these guys terrorize is Hot Topic, and skinny jean retailers across the country! She didn’t just fuck with vampires, she fucked with werewolves too! What the hell is wrong with this bitch?

1. How come vampires no longer melt in the sunlight? Now they…

Sparkle!

Why? What the fuck is the point of this? Is that supposed to be fairy dust or something? [that is the only explanation I have for it] Does sprinkling this vampire fairy dust on people also make them into gay vampires? How come when they go in the sunlight they don’t just become rainbow striped? Do women really like this shit? No wonder you couldn’t vote!

2. According to twilight lore this asshole above is over a hundred years old! What the fuck could he possibly have in common with a 17 year old girl? He is either the dullest motherfucker on earth, or a PEDOPHILE! Probably both.

I mean, really? This guy was born in 1901 in Chicago! The guy grew up in gangster society! He would probably be racist as fuck, and sexist as hell. The first time this Bella broad said “No Edward, I want to see this movie,” His born in 1901 ass would backhand her across the mouth and say something like “NA! SEEEE! We’re gonna watch what I want to watch, SEEE! No more lip outta you or ol’ knuckles here willl smack ya again, SEEEEE!”

To make matters worse, this Stephanie broad went and made werewolves- who are also cool as hell [mainly because that’s the one role Jack Nicholson played that Heath Ledger never would have been able to] into gay Indian trailer trash that have never heard of the word shirt!

Ya a pack of reservation Indians..notice anything missing?

If you said a bartender, you are right! In realty these “Werewolves” would be too busy spending their government checks at the local bar, getting shit faced drunk, and beating their women to ever have a war with vampires! Either that, or they would be too busy sitting in their condos counting their money they made off of their casino to even worry about it! These don’t really look like the “Casino owning type” of Indian though wouldn’t you agree?

The other big problem here is that these “Werewolves” don’t even turn into werewolves. They turn into giant wolves. What the fuck? It is probably the most unoriginal thing I have ever heard of in my life! This is what a werewolf looks like!

Go Go Gadget Scary!

Not this pile of shit!

Run away vampires, or else!

I think they needed to have four legs so they could run to the bar faster! Or maybe to run from the cops quicker? You decide.

Another interesting plot point to these go-in-a-christmas-stocking puppy “werewolves” is the fact that they all have different colored fur….yet they all have the same human hair. You know the kind of hair I mean, the mix between Mexican grease ball, Italian, and wifebeater-wearer. Just look at the picture.

Of course I know where this broad who wrote these books got the idea. I have seen it before. Somebody who was an actual writer made these creatures up long ago in an actual epic called “The Lord of the Rings.”

They are called Wargs! Hell of a lot scarier than twilight "Werewolves" too, aren't they?

Typical women, ripping off a man’s brilliant idea and then repackaging it as dog shit that smells nice to other women!

Then we have the main character, who is obviously a fucking idiot.

I'm so confused.

This chick has serious problems. On the one hand she can’t seem to decide if she is into bestiality, and red rockets! Or, if she wants to screw a dude who’s dick feels like it was soaked in ice cubes……the choices the choices?

She is a pathological liar. She lies to her father and mother about everything, lies to one of the monsters she is in “love” with about the other, and she cheats on them with each other!

She has no reasoning skills at all! She has trouble deciding if she wants to spend the rest of her life as an undead, blood-sucking parasite living with other parasites who murder people and eat them as a rule; or she can do the dirty with a giant dog, and live the rest of her life on an Indian reservation with a bunch of shirtless thugs! Of course she could just be with a normal human being….I guess in today’s world though, women need more than that!

They need to fuck giant dogs, and suck corpse cock to get a thrill, I guess.

To all teenage women that like this shit…THIS IS WHY NOBODY LIKES YOU! The only thing worse than a teenage girl who likes Twilight is SATAN! That is a scientific fact.

So the rules have changed, people. We can now take Lore everybody has known their whole lives and change it to whatever the fuck we want! I for one think we should make a Leprechaun-Unicorn hybrid, and call it a UNICHAUN! It can run around spear horning people at the end of the fucking rainbow who come after it’s gold! If you are lucky enough to catch a Unichaun, instead of a pot of gold you will get a steaming pile of Unichaun shit! Don’t worry, it will smell nice so you can sell it to hapless, female, teenage idiots and make money. A Unichaun’s only weakness is a straight man, who thinks that vampires that sparkle are gay!

If somebody can send me a decent drawing of a Unichaun I would love to post it up here. Who knows maybe you can take the idea and sell it. Obviously these people will buy anything.

!