Feminists are a joke.

I  can’t believe it is 2012 and women are still actually following the dying religion that is feminism. Leave it to a woman to follow an obviously failed ideology for most of her life.

There have been many good articles about why feminism sucks in general, but I thought maybe I could reach out to feminists and save them from themselves. Now, I know many men out there think they can cure feminists by inserting their penis into one and humping the stupid out of them, but I am here to tell you it doesn’t work. Slapping them across their face doesn’t work either, because feminists are cowardly hypocrites that want equal rights  until they get punched in the face.  Then all of a sudden they say “I am a girl! I can’t believe he hit a girl!” Well believe it darlin’. That is how men get treated- with barbarism and ass kicking!

If you want to be treated like a man we can accommodate you.

First, lets be honest. Women are not equal to men.  It all comes down to 1 word, Testosterone! We have more of it and it makes us literally better at everything. It makes us faster, stronger, smarter and able to kick the average [and above average] woman’s ass if we decide the blood her nose produces goes good with our satin tie.

Feminists are the destroyers of the natural world. They actually think women are equal to men….I know, crazy isn’t it?

I decided I would point out (using my testosterone-filled man brain that beats the crap out of a feminist’s with one hand tied behind it’s back while enjoying a bowl of soup) why feminism is stupid and hypocritical.

First, let us examine the real reason feminists are upset. I pulled this picture from feminist.com showing their members and supporters to illustrate what the gripe really is. I circled the faces of the ones I wouldn’t have sex with.  I also highlighted the one who’s sexuality is in question.

As you can clearly see, I would have zero sex with any of these women regardless of liquor intake. Since I am a very attractive man, I assume that other very attractive men also won’t have sex with them. Which puts them into the unfuckable category.

To be perfectly honest, if I couldn’t have sex with an attractive woman again for the rest of my life I would probably kill myself [hint hint]. These miserable creatures, though, decided that since they couldn’t have a decent man they would try to torture men to death instead using incessant bitching and their silly right to vote.

I want to reach out these women and try to help them get past their obvious physical shortcoming so that they no longer have an emotionally stunted existence filled with bitching and moaning about how oppressed women are, while leaving out how depressed men are having to hear about it. Below are a few tips to the women over at feminist.com to help them reach their obvious goal of attracting a smart and handsome man.

1. Lose some weight porkies.

For gods sakes your woman bodies are hideous. Do you switch off between bitching on the loud mic and stuffing cream filled treats into your mouths? How in the hell do you manage to scream about equality without your blood sugar bottoming out? I would also like to know how the shit you burn your bras with pudgy hands. Isn’t hard to work the Bic? 

It isn’t that fat chicks aren’t allowed to have some love- they are! The problem you Fem creatures have is that fat chicks can usually get boned because they are really cool to hang out with, thus making up for their fatness and counter-acting a hot male’s general disgust at even being around them. Fem creatures are not cool to hang out with because they have no sense of humor and, well…they are fem creatures. Who wants to hang out with a bitch all day- especially a fat one?

2. Have you thought about plastic surgery? You should have by now because your faces look like they were pulled off by draft horses then sewn back on by leather face. At least wear some more make up or something. For the love of god do you actually like getting seen in public looking like that? 

3. Stop burning your bras! Seriously stop it! Trust me when I tell you that you need them.

Now you might be thinking “Hey Unrighteousfury, you prick, maybe these hogs from aboutfeminist.com are gross and unboneable but that doesn’t mean most feminists aren’t attractive!

Really? Lets take a look shall we. Here are some pics of some of the most famous fem creatures of all time.

Betty Friedan was quite the looker wasn't she? MMMMM yummy.

Ruth Ginsburg is quite the dish.

Think I hand picked these women? Think again.

Any feminist I have looked up is an ugly old hog. Look for yourself.

Feminists are the left overs.  They are the women that get upset that other women have hot men and try to convince them it is wrong by telling them that being with a man is shackling. The truth is they are pissed off that you have a man that is willing to sleep with you. It is as simple as that.

Let me tell you where the feminist ideal really starts to fail though. You see, technology is all that allows women to have any real intrinsic value on society. They can type, and do some basic math for accounting- oh and lets not forget most teachers are women [yuck]. Look how well that has worked for our young.

Think women can do more, do you? That’s because you never looked at the statistics. A whopping 83% of engineering degrees are earned by men, while women get useless degrees in the arts.  That’s right! Men are out there building shit like bridges and spaceships. It’s time women just came out and said the truth. It isn’t that you don’t want to work on engineering projects you just can’t! Anybody who has ever seen a woman try to build something knows instinctively that it is going to be a fail! How many female mechanics would you take your car to? That’s what I thought.

Sooner or later the technological clock is going to go back to zero. Either a cataclysmic event will happen, or a man made event will happen, but rest assured it will happen. Technology will one day [and probably soon] collapse. When that happens men are going to begin to look at women like we used to. Simply put, how much value is a feminist going to bring to the table when technology fails? Let’s find out.

The first value a woman will have in a post apocalyptic society will of course be her sex appeal. As we have plainly seen feminists don’t have any.

The second value will be a woman’s ability to birth children and be a good mother. Feminists selfishly believe that children are burdensome to women [like women have so much more to offer]. Because of this, feminists have lost their mommy instinct. Men pick up on that, just so you fem creatures know. If you have no sex appeal or ability to be  a good mom, men will just pass right by you [kinda like they do now].  

 The third thing men will look for is obedience from their women. I can almost see the fems shivering at the mere mention of this quality. Think about it though, why should I protect you from marauding men, psychopaths, and the elements if you can’t suck up to me a little bit, ok…well maybe a lot.  

Yup! When the technological clock goes back to zero fems will be fucked, and not in a good way. I just don’t see what value they will bring to the table. A fem might say “We will build our own female communes that are self sufficient and do our own hunting and grow our own food.” Fine. That will work out perfectly until a band of marauding testosterone filled men decide to take it from you. Guess what? There won’t be a damn thing you can do about it either.

In today’s society you are only just tolerated not liked. In a post apocalyptic society you will be worse than useless. I am here to help you, though, fem creatures. I know…. BIG HEART!  I have included some pictures below to help you on your hopefully new found quest to be the subservient, child bearing, man obeying, woman you have the potential to be.

Step 1: Practice sucking now! 

I have helpfully included arrows to guide you down the path of how to do this correctly. The top arrow clearly highlights the mouth as a starting point. The second arrow is where you should be after two weeks. The third arrow shows where you should be in a month. Trust me Fems, this a skill you are going to need in a post apocalyptic world.

Step 2: Learn how to carry our shit like the mule you will be.

Really it's all about dispersing the weight correctly.

Step 3: Shut the fuck up! 

I have helpfully circled the part of the body that needs to remain shut!

Welp, good luck to ya. I hope these tricks and tips can help the feminist movement going forward.  Even if you decide not to follow them now make a mental note…sooner or later…

If rape isn’t funny-then why do women keep making it a joke?

I recently had a chance to play catch up with a female friend I hadn’t seen in years. During the course of our conversation I brought up a mutual acquaintance of ours who is a man.

After a short pause she said “I don’t want to talk about him.” When I asked her why she said “Because things happened I don’t want to talk about with him, that’s why.”

I knew immediately where this was going, and so do 90% of men who are reading this…A rape story

Anyway, long story short, she launched into a detailed account of how he had forced himself on her three years ago at a party..blah blah blah. I realized while she was recalling her elaborate tale of being victimized by this boorish brute, that I had heard a story eerily similar to the one she told not very long ago by another good friend of mine who is a woman.

That got my gears spinning, and I realized something important. Every woman I have ever met and spent any real time with seems to have a rape story. I immediately called every female friend I could think of and sure enough, my suspicions were confirmed.

All of them had either been raped, molested, or in some way sexually attacked in their life. I called a few of my male friends and asked them to do the same with their female friends, as it turns out again the results were astounding.

Every one of them had a rape story.

I pulled up some statistics on rape in the United States and found out there are roughly 216,000 rapes in this country a year.

The population of the United States is about 300 million, 51% of which are women.  This mean the population of women in the U.S is roughly 153,000,000 so the percentage of women actually raped in this country statistically is less than 1%

This was interesting to me since every women has apparently been raped. I will break it down for you in this graph below.

Why would a woman lie about being raped? The answer to me was plain as day!

Look, to all you dumb women out there: We know that rape is a terrible thing and a tragedy. By lying about it over and over again, people literally lose interest in it even being a big deal.

If literally every woman a man runs into has a story about being raped, molested, sexually attacked, etc., men quickly lose interest in the fact that women get raped at all. When it does actually happen and some sick bastard rapes a woman, men don’t know if they should even believe her!

Here are some tell tale signs a woman is full of shit about being raped. By following these simple rules you can call her out on her bullshit!

1. If a woman brings up being raped without being asked, tell her to name the attacker. Statistics say 2/3 are friends or family. So if she says she doesn’t know this should raise a flag that she might be full of shit.

2. Ask her if she reported the rape. If she didn’t [and it seems they never do] tell her you will be willing to go with her while she does. Offer to get her help if she needs it, since it was such a traumatic event. If she continually refuses, she might be full of shit!

3. If you are suspicious she might be full of shit, ask around and see how many men she has accused of raping her. If it is more than one…..she might be full of shit.

I know there will be women who read this that think I might be an insensitive prick. Think about it though, ladies. Don’t you all have a friend or two that cry rape that you are just a little bit suspicious of being full of shit?

Is it really any wonder that men have become immune to rape? It is almost like it is no big deal to us anymore. “Gee, honey, whats on the news tonight?”

“Aw same old shit- some chick got raped.”

In closing let me say this:

Police your own, ladies- or sooner or later men just will stop caring at all.

Veganism and Vagisil: Why They Go Together

Let me start off by saying that I do not hate vegetarians. I don’t. Really, I despise them!

Even though there is a literal mountain of evidence supporting the fact that they are complete buffoons and morons, still they persist in trying to shove their supposed moral high ground down the throats of meat-eating ass kickers, such as myself.

I figured today I would give a logical breakdown of why Vegans are not only stupid, but pussies.

This article is not aimed at women. Everybody knows that women are overly emotional and think that their little yipper, ankle biting poodles are their kids to be put in sweaters and toted in purses. So women- don’t even bother commenting. Your opinions are not wanted on this article. Nobody would take what you had to say on the subject seriously anyways.

No, this article is targeting men. Especially the men that actually buy into this Vegan way of life.

First lets do the logical breakdown. Men can usually follow that. Are you ready? Good!

= FUCKING DELICIOUS!

Here is the mathematical formula:

Steak+Stomach=Full

Steak+Broccoli+Stomach=Full

Steak+Other meats=Full

Vegetables-Steak=Not Full

Man+Steak+Beer=Ass Kicker

Man+Vegetables-Steak=Pussy

You can check my carefully constructed calculations all you want, but you will find they always come out to be the same answers. Let me break down why that is.

Below is a video of Robb Wolf, a very accomplished writer, speaker, and scientist. You will see him kill an elk with a primitive weapon resembling a spear called an Atlatl while dressed in cave man attire.  Perhaps the first man in thousands of years to do so.

Watching this video made me want to do these things in this order,

Why, you ask? Because it reminded me what I am. A FUCKING MAN!!! Real men eat vegetables- no doubt about it. They eat lettuce on their burger, mushrooms on their steaks, tomato in their beef stew. Real men do not EAT VEGETABLES as their primary source of nourishment, ever!

Men have forgotten what they are. Too many men have let women’s pathetic animal worshiping cults like PETA convince them to stop being what they have always been, ANIMAL ASSASSINS!

That’s right, I said it. Be what you were made to be. Men love killing animals. They think it is awesome.  You know what else? They are right. If animals were worth anything more than a piece of meat on my fucking plate, they would have invented gunpowder, not the other way around.

Men have been assassinating and eating the flesh of animals since the dawn of time.  What happened after Robb killed the elk? A BIG PARTY! Why, you ask? Because the men were happy in their recent exploits to assassinate an Elk that dared to think it was superior. That’s right, superior. Did you see the size of that Elk gang, prancing around in the field and ravaging the countryside? The men of the group knew on instinct that these 500 pound land destroying monsters had to be stopped. One hero, half the size of even one of these leviathans bravely faced down hundreds of them, and with the manliest of manly throws took down one of these knife horned beasts! After he skillfully assassinated the behemoth he pulled out a sharpened rock, cut the damned thing open and ate its heart as a warning to all the other Elk in the region that their reign of terror was over. So manly was h,e in fact, that he even shared the meat with the women of the group- in return for no sex! Something I certainly could never do.

Sadly though, one of the women (obviously a part of the previously mentioned animal worshiping cults) refused even one bite of the meat. If only it was a real caveman experiment I’m sure the men of the group would have clubbed her, fucked her, and ate her share anyway. Maybe even ate her.

That is what men do. They kick ass! They don’t take shit! They eat meat. I don’t need science to tell me eating meat is good for me. I know it already. I had Fred Flintstone telling me all about it when I was a kid. Anybody remember Fred Flintstone? He was the manliest of men who ever lived. Let’s see what his dinner looked like.

Fred had it all. A hot skinny wife, a beautiful daughter, a good job, and a pro bowling team. You didn’t see Fred eating giant prehistoric plants did you? No way buddy! Meat all the way.

In closing Vegan males are all pussies. To prove this I am issuing the $250 dollar challenge. If there are any men in the Michigan area who have been on a vegetarian diet for ten years or longer, I will meet you in a professional cage fight. If you win I will give you $250 dollars and an apology. Hopefully you will be strong enough to hold  open the door to the arena. By the way, I never work out and I am about 175 pounds. I promise you my manliness will destroy you long before my fists even touch your weak Vegan face.

Put your money where your mouths are, you weak Vegan sissy boys. I am waiting. If not, then just shut up about your morally superior lifestyle. I promise I will beat it right out of you! Because my balls are as big as the DEATHSTAR! You, on the other hand, complain and whine if Bambi gets shot in the head, take vitamins to offset the the lack of meat, and have sex with women who have armpit hair. All of these things make me question if you even have testicles.  I really hope somebody contacts me soon. I reallllly want to kick some vegan ass!