Feminists are a joke.

I  can’t believe it is 2012 and women are still actually following the dying religion that is feminism. Leave it to a woman to follow an obviously failed ideology for most of her life.

There have been many good articles about why feminism sucks in general, but I thought maybe I could reach out to feminists and save them from themselves. Now, I know many men out there think they can cure feminists by inserting their penis into one and humping the stupid out of them, but I am here to tell you it doesn’t work. Slapping them across their face doesn’t work either, because feminists are cowardly hypocrites that want equal rights  until they get punched in the face.  Then all of a sudden they say “I am a girl! I can’t believe he hit a girl!” Well believe it darlin’. That is how men get treated- with barbarism and ass kicking!

If you want to be treated like a man we can accommodate you.

First, lets be honest. Women are not equal to men.  It all comes down to 1 word, Testosterone! We have more of it and it makes us literally better at everything. It makes us faster, stronger, smarter and able to kick the average [and above average] woman’s ass if we decide the blood her nose produces goes good with our satin tie.

Feminists are the destroyers of the natural world. They actually think women are equal to men….I know, crazy isn’t it?

I decided I would point out (using my testosterone-filled man brain that beats the crap out of a feminist’s with one hand tied behind it’s back while enjoying a bowl of soup) why feminism is stupid and hypocritical.

First, let us examine the real reason feminists are upset. I pulled this picture from feminist.com showing their members and supporters to illustrate what the gripe really is. I circled the faces of the ones I wouldn’t have sex with.  I also highlighted the one who’s sexuality is in question.

As you can clearly see, I would have zero sex with any of these women regardless of liquor intake. Since I am a very attractive man, I assume that other very attractive men also won’t have sex with them. Which puts them into the unfuckable category.

To be perfectly honest, if I couldn’t have sex with an attractive woman again for the rest of my life I would probably kill myself [hint hint]. These miserable creatures, though, decided that since they couldn’t have a decent man they would try to torture men to death instead using incessant bitching and their silly right to vote.

I want to reach out these women and try to help them get past their obvious physical shortcoming so that they no longer have an emotionally stunted existence filled with bitching and moaning about how oppressed women are, while leaving out how depressed men are having to hear about it. Below are a few tips to the women over at feminist.com to help them reach their obvious goal of attracting a smart and handsome man.

1. Lose some weight porkies.

For gods sakes your woman bodies are hideous. Do you switch off between bitching on the loud mic and stuffing cream filled treats into your mouths? How in the hell do you manage to scream about equality without your blood sugar bottoming out? I would also like to know how the shit you burn your bras with pudgy hands. Isn’t hard to work the Bic? 

It isn’t that fat chicks aren’t allowed to have some love- they are! The problem you Fem creatures have is that fat chicks can usually get boned because they are really cool to hang out with, thus making up for their fatness and counter-acting a hot male’s general disgust at even being around them. Fem creatures are not cool to hang out with because they have no sense of humor and, well…they are fem creatures. Who wants to hang out with a bitch all day- especially a fat one?

2. Have you thought about plastic surgery? You should have by now because your faces look like they were pulled off by draft horses then sewn back on by leather face. At least wear some more make up or something. For the love of god do you actually like getting seen in public looking like that? 

3. Stop burning your bras! Seriously stop it! Trust me when I tell you that you need them.

Now you might be thinking “Hey Unrighteousfury, you prick, maybe these hogs from aboutfeminist.com are gross and unboneable but that doesn’t mean most feminists aren’t attractive!

Really? Lets take a look shall we. Here are some pics of some of the most famous fem creatures of all time.

Betty Friedan was quite the looker wasn't she? MMMMM yummy.

Ruth Ginsburg is quite the dish.

Think I hand picked these women? Think again.

Any feminist I have looked up is an ugly old hog. Look for yourself.

Feminists are the left overs.  They are the women that get upset that other women have hot men and try to convince them it is wrong by telling them that being with a man is shackling. The truth is they are pissed off that you have a man that is willing to sleep with you. It is as simple as that.

Let me tell you where the feminist ideal really starts to fail though. You see, technology is all that allows women to have any real intrinsic value on society. They can type, and do some basic math for accounting- oh and lets not forget most teachers are women [yuck]. Look how well that has worked for our young.

Think women can do more, do you? That’s because you never looked at the statistics. A whopping 83% of engineering degrees are earned by men, while women get useless degrees in the arts.  That’s right! Men are out there building shit like bridges and spaceships. It’s time women just came out and said the truth. It isn’t that you don’t want to work on engineering projects you just can’t! Anybody who has ever seen a woman try to build something knows instinctively that it is going to be a fail! How many female mechanics would you take your car to? That’s what I thought.

Sooner or later the technological clock is going to go back to zero. Either a cataclysmic event will happen, or a man made event will happen, but rest assured it will happen. Technology will one day [and probably soon] collapse. When that happens men are going to begin to look at women like we used to. Simply put, how much value is a feminist going to bring to the table when technology fails? Let’s find out.

The first value a woman will have in a post apocalyptic society will of course be her sex appeal. As we have plainly seen feminists don’t have any.

The second value will be a woman’s ability to birth children and be a good mother. Feminists selfishly believe that children are burdensome to women [like women have so much more to offer]. Because of this, feminists have lost their mommy instinct. Men pick up on that, just so you fem creatures know. If you have no sex appeal or ability to be  a good mom, men will just pass right by you [kinda like they do now].  

 The third thing men will look for is obedience from their women. I can almost see the fems shivering at the mere mention of this quality. Think about it though, why should I protect you from marauding men, psychopaths, and the elements if you can’t suck up to me a little bit, ok…well maybe a lot.  

Yup! When the technological clock goes back to zero fems will be fucked, and not in a good way. I just don’t see what value they will bring to the table. A fem might say “We will build our own female communes that are self sufficient and do our own hunting and grow our own food.” Fine. That will work out perfectly until a band of marauding testosterone filled men decide to take it from you. Guess what? There won’t be a damn thing you can do about it either.

In today’s society you are only just tolerated not liked. In a post apocalyptic society you will be worse than useless. I am here to help you, though, fem creatures. I know…. BIG HEART!  I have included some pictures below to help you on your hopefully new found quest to be the subservient, child bearing, man obeying, woman you have the potential to be.

Step 1: Practice sucking now! 

I have helpfully included arrows to guide you down the path of how to do this correctly. The top arrow clearly highlights the mouth as a starting point. The second arrow is where you should be after two weeks. The third arrow shows where you should be in a month. Trust me Fems, this a skill you are going to need in a post apocalyptic world.

Step 2: Learn how to carry our shit like the mule you will be.

Really it's all about dispersing the weight correctly.

Step 3: Shut the fuck up! 

I have helpfully circled the part of the body that needs to remain shut!

Welp, good luck to ya. I hope these tricks and tips can help the feminist movement going forward.  Even if you decide not to follow them now make a mental note…sooner or later…